


To All Those Lilac Skies

by pompombby



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Suggestive Themes, Swearing, fwb!jinson, jjproject, mild smut tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 10:32:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10534665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pompombby/pseuds/pompombby
Summary: Park Jinyoung will not let anything defeat him: not a complicated love life, an indifferent best friend, his depressing engineering major or the walking distraction that is Im Jaebum.ON HIATUS~~~~~~~





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

> hey there  
> here goes some jjp with a side of jinson and soon markson  
> word heavy first two chapters to give preface before it goes into the sns theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it all begins with Jinyoung's feelings not hurt, but irked by some dude he doesn't even know that well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~ hey here's some jjp with a side of jinson, and soon markson.  
> be warned, more friendship drama than relationship drama, because that is what life is (and should be haha)  
> unbeta'd, sorry apologies in advance for any typos, fam. I'm a stickler for grammar, but I don't read my own chapters because I'm lazyyyy, so probably won't stop the errors.  
> peace.

"The last word I would use to describe my life," Jinyoung starts dramatically, after banging his empty shot glass on the table, "is prosaic."

Mark cringes at how his friend potentially maimed his tabletop, inspecting the surface with pointed looks at the younger.

If Jinyoung notices the silent reprimand, he doesn't let on as he continues his tirade.

"I mean, I've had a lot of things said about me," he raises both his hands in yet another flourish of drama. "But _never_ this."

An ironic laugh is soon to follow, and Mark, being the mature adult that he is, tries to refrain from rolling his eyes.

And fails. As is characteristic of him, Jinyoung pretends not to notice.

Mark's overused Lana Del Rey playlist lulls Jinyoung into a introspective (albeit temporary) silence, as does Mark's habitual silence.

He watches Mark sip from the same shot glass Jinyoung had manhandled, then choosing to let his eyes rake over Mark's brick walls and the variegated mugs hanging from pegs on the wall. Posters of old rocks bands were taped at carefully careless intervals, the dim orange light casting a dusky glow on it all.

Jinyoung's retinas were seared with the hipster quotient of his best friend's apartment, as well as the unusual sight of a basketball hoop inside the otherwise alt-chic den.

The large oddity, facing the couch, placed against the wall adjacent to the door in Mark's studio apartment reminded Jinyoung of a certain Jackson Wang .

Which brought him back to the matter at hand. His life was so not boring.

For one, he was the only one in his friend group who studied engineering. Oh well.

 

Scratch that, he thought. That doesn't exactly form a strong first argument.

On the other hand, he had his friends. Probably the most mismatched group of popular kids in college. Probably the group everyone wanted to be a part of. And Jinyoung was their resident drama queen (though some argued it was Jackson, but whatever).

He had Mark, the quietest most receptive best friend on campus (not to mention richest, it didn't hurt to have a loaded best friend who had his own damn apartment).

He was one of the cooler science students in college, keeping the studying only to weeknights and partying away the weekends.

He hooked up with strangers often enough and had once made out with the hottest guy in town (male model Oh Sehun oh my god) at his lab partner Sana's sorority party. And they had even parted friends.

Speaking of which, he had a very active sex life. Jinyoung smiled. And none of the drama afterwards.

A bitter feeling began to settle in his stomach with the alcohol. Mark's comforting silence did nothing to help it, as a particularly smug grin replayed itself in his mind.

He turned to Mark and started talking as abruptly as he had stopped. "Don't you think that Im Jaebum guy is sorta stuck-up though," he stated more than asked.

Mark coughed. "I think he's okay," with a typical noncommittal shrug.

It was Jinyoung's turn to roll his eyes. Everyone had the same reaction when Yugyeom first brought a very tall, very handsome, very intimidating film student Im Jaebum to one of their hangouts at Mark's.

"He's cool," they'd all said. Jinyoung had never quite agreed. Something seemed off about the guy.

And after today morning, he was glad he hadn't chimed in.

Even in his fuzzy, alcohol-induced state of mind, the memory was as clear as sky on a dreadfully hot summer day. And as uncomfortable as it too.

Jinyoung sat in the little cafe off campus , sipping on his cranberry juice and not quite eating the cheesecake slice he ordered, when he had to look up from his phone too see a second person sit down at his table. It was that Jaebum, with his tousled hair that was not quite red but not quite brown either, his broad shoulders under the bomber jacket he wore even though it was spring, his tiny eyebrow piercing glinting in the sunlight, above the two tiny moles on his eyelid. His smirk was in it's usual place as he probably said hi, and Jinyoung hated how the breath was knocked out of him at the sight.

Jinyoung composed himself, obviously, even tried to make polite impersonal conversation before Jaebum looked at him with a tilted head and made the remark.

"It's quite upsetting to see a character like you in such a prosaic little life, Jinyoungie."

The words shouldn't have made an impact, with the off hand way in which they were spoken. But the intensity with which Im Jaebum, the film student who wasn't even his friend, had gazed at him made it otherwise.

Feeling unsettled at yet another scene burnt into his memory, not quite to his liking, Jinyoung decided Mark's quiet wasn't what he needed at that moment. Pecking the other messily on his forehead, much to his  silent dismay, Jinyoung shot off a text from his phone before bouncing out of the apartment.

"You're sorta drunk though, Jinyoungie," Jinyoung heard Mark call as he shut the door behind him, the concern evident in his tone. But Jinyoung was gone already, and he was too tired to turn back.

 

The door opened before he had even knocked, and Jackson Wang smiled his warm fuzzy smile at his friend. Jinyoung found himself smiling back, eyes crinkling and all.

It was only after he sat down on Jackson's bed (probably on a pile of underwear) that he noticed Jackson's perfectly toned arms on display.

He tuned out Jackson's incessant babble about why he had already finished the pizza before Jinyoung came and stood up, wiping his palms on his thighs. He walked over to the other, grabbed that perfect jaw and kissed him. Jinyoung had always been a sucker for those arms.

Surprised at first, Jackson soon reciprocated with as much gusto, his hand grasping Jinyoung's hair, one arm wrapping around the other's waist. Jinyoung's back arched as Jackson dominated the kiss and they broke away only when Jinyoung gasped as Jackson rolled his hips.

As they breathed hard, Jackson grasped Jinyoung's jaw and made him meet his eyes. "How do you want it, baby?" he asked, voice low.

Jinyoung answered by coyly looking through his eyelashes while sinking to his knees in front of the other.

But even when he was neck deep in his distraction (quite literally probably) Jinyoung found that one lazy smirk still persisting in his thoughts, the glint of another man's eyes seared hauntingly in his memory.

But Park Jinyoung had always been good at pretending. So he moaned out loud as he came apart on Jackson's bed, pretending not to notice the softness in Jackson's eyes as he caressed Jinyoung, pretending not to be desperate  to see that god awful film student  as soon as possible.

 

 


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a conflict seems to be brewing.

Jackson Wang could be considered exceedingly attractive. His smile was perhaps the best Jinyoung had ever come across (and that's saying something since Mark Tuan was Jinyoung's best friend). There was something about the way it reached his eyes, twinkling as if they were communicating some sort of secret. Jinyoung loved to look into Jackson's eyes when he smiles, finding himself smiling along naturally. Jinyoung also loved the look Jackson got in his eyes when he contemplated something, the normal mischievous glint lost on something darker, something so intense that Jinyoung had a shiver run down his spine. Jackson Wang had a playful way of things. He joked, laughed and drew all the attention to himself in most larger gatherings.  
Even when the two of them hung out, watching a film or perhaps some Netflix, Jinyoung felt uncharacteristically at ease. He didn't feel the need to be funny or cool, or make him laugh. He just felt... comfortable.

It was that comfort factor that had led to the current arrangement. It began with Jinyoung whining to his friend group about not getting laid enough (or in the way he wanted that is)  
And Jinyoung pointedly pretended not to notice the look that flashed over Jackson's face on the statement.  
Instead, he invited Jackson over to his dorm room to watch Black Swan. One thing led to another, and soon Jinyoung and Jackson were making out while Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis did the same on Jinyoung's laptop.  
Jackson Wang was also insatiable. Insatiable when it came to his love of basketball, soccer but mainly fencing. Unbeknownst to Jinyoung, Jackson Wang was even more insatiable when it came to him.  
So everytime Jinyoung lay in Jackson's bed, in Jackson's perfectly toned arms, he found himself itching to ask Jinyoung to stay. But after being Jinyoung's friend without benefits for more than three years, Jackson knew that Jinyoung reacted like a deer in headlights when cornered.  
That made him hold back, pretend to still be asleep when Jinyoung carefully untangled their limbs in the morning, put on his clothes hastily and leave quietly in an effort to not wake Jackson.  
But Jackson Wang's complications with their arrangement had its upsides. Like the mind-blowing orgasms Jinyoung found himself at the receiving end of. And he didn't exactly mind the cuddles. Or the feel of Jackson's biceps under his palms. Or other well endowed portions of Jackson's anatomy.  
And despite all the signs of strings getting attached in Jackson Wang's eyes, Jinyoung pretended to remain oblivious, ignorant of the tender caresses on his hair when he sucked Jackson off, or the significant post-romp smiles.   
And Jackson Wang's seemingly unending patience started to wear thin.  
***

Jinyoung was frustrated by the way Jaebum looked at him. Especially since they were bang in the middle of a party, and excuse me but who is Im Jaebum the film student to look at him like that.  
Jinyoung could handle being eye-fucked. Hell, it was like a second nature for him to enjoy the attention, crave it even. Especially if he looked like he did today, with the ripped black denims flashing bits of his milky thighs, a black sleeved shirt that flattered his collarbones, raven hair all gelled back and eyeliner artfully smudged. He was certain he looked like a sex god, and the reactions of those around him confirmed it.  
Except for Im Jaebum of course. While everyone looked like they could devour Jinyoung with their eyes only (preferably hands too), Jaebum's gaze was far too plaintiff. Though his eyes rarely left Jinyoung's, they showed none of the raw, impatient hunger Jinyoung was used to seeing in the eyes of others on nights like this. Jaebum looked almost... in awe, with his jaw slackened, his bottle of beer swirling unmindfully in his hand. He was looking at Jinyoung, studying him, even, like a critic who would spend hours dissecting each brush stroke in an acclaimed piece of art.   
He looked at Jinyoung with unadulterated fascination, untainted by personal desires, a sheer artistic inquisitiveness. And that in itself was enough to tick Jinyoung off. He did not want Im Jaebum looking at him like that, even though he refused to admit what he did in fact want from the latter.  
So Jinyoung did what he could do the best, knock back a few and pretend his problems didn't exist.  
It was quite easy to let the stress coiled around him unwind, with the strength of whatever alcoholic drink Sana kept handing him. Ignoring Jaebum, he looked around. His lab partner, a true sorority queen, Sana buzzed around her guests, effortlessly merging into every conversation while keeping their glasses/hands filled with alcohol. She might suck at junction diode experiments, he thought, but the girl sure knew how to throw a party.   
He glanced at the girl next to him on the couch, Hirai Momo, Sana's best friend. She was drunk out of her mind and covertly trying to pull the moves on a super-shy but super-hot exchange student called Mina.  
She handed Jinyoung her beer as she led the other girl out of the crowd and Jinyoung smirked as he downed the contents of the bottle. Trying desperately to avoid Jaebum, standing somewhere to his right, swerving his gaze to the left to find a safer option.  
And there stood his safer option, oozing sex with his blond hair styled up, clad in an all black leather ensemble, looking at him with want radiating from his eyes.  
Jinyoung flashed his sexiest smile as he tried to get to where Jackson stood, without looking terribly unsexy, considering the pleasant hum of alcohol in his veins.  
Before he knows it, his arms are around Jackson's neck and Jackson's palms are on his waist, the two of them barely swaying to the music that blasted from somewhere in the room. Jackson's eyes bore intensely into his, Jinyoung's lazy smile unreciprocated. Jackson's palms flattened against Jinyoung's lower back and Jinyoung bit his lip, feeling oddly outrageous.   
Jackson's gaze softened considerably as he softly removed Jinyoung's arms. "Stay here," he whispered loudly. "I'll get you some water."  
Jinyoung almost whined when he left, propping himself up against the wall and pouting.  
He didn't notice the tall form appear next to him until his shoulder was poked.   
Jinyoung told himself he hated Jaebum's dress sense. But he couldn't deny how visually appeasing it was to see those broad shoulders in a casual V-neck with black jeans and unstyled hair.   
Jaebum's hair fell sloppily across his forehead, betraying how little thought he had probably put into dressing up for this party. His bangs were long enough to almost cover his eyes, especially now that they were smiling crescents. His lips were drawn into a friendly smile, and somehow Jinyoung was jolted into sobriety.  
Reciprocating none of the amicable warmth Jaebum radiated as he asked Jinyoung to dance with him, the latter begrudgingly moved into the crowd, startled when he suddenly felt Jaebum's hand at his waist. Jinyoung spun around, his nerves and stiffness lost almost as soon as they had made an appearance.   
"Jin-" Jinyoung cut off Jaebum's sentence with a finger to his own lips. "Just dance, Im Jaebum", he said, feeling drunk Jinyoung slip to the forefront.  
As he slid his own hands onto Jaebum's broad shoulders which he had been aching to touch, he tried and failed to ignore Jaebum's dopey grin, which turned more and more into that trademark infuriating smirk as Jinyoung met his eyes and held his gaze.   
And suddenly Jinyoung forgot to breathe, with his eyes locked on Jaebum's the smile faltering from the latter's face and that look of awe from earlier in the night fully reinstated. And Jinyoung would be lying if he said he didn't see a similar expression on his own face in Jaebum's dark eyes.  
***  
Jackson put down the glass of water he held on the table as he watched Jinyoung. A pang made his chest clench and his stomach fall as he saw the look in both their eyes.  
Jinyoung had to be out of his mind drunk to allow Jaebum to dance with him. Jackson should probably take him home. But as Jackson Wang watched Park Jinyoung and Im Jaebum look at each other like the annoyingly besotted main couple in the romcoms he secretly watched, he realised he shouldn't take Jinyoung home that night. For his own good, he couldn't , thought Jackson as he darted for the front door. And somewhere out there, he swore he felt a physical manifestation of pain in his chest.  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh so much angst and cheesy stuff. I'm sorry! I just... had to. And I love Jackson okay. The smut is coming soon I promise, just needed to build the premise some more ( and pour in some extra angst sorrryyyy)


	3. Three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung gets a revelation from a psychoanalytical friend (Yugyeom) and learns about the "unresolved feelings" messing with his mental stability.

**nyoungiebby posted:**

 

 

**kinda tired xxx but it's friday**

***

 

Like most weekends in the recent past, Jinyoung found himself on Yugyeom and BamBam's dorm room floor that Saturday. Considering he did spend more time with the younger guys, he wasn't surprised anymore that it was them he returned with and not his best friend Mark.

Feeling perfectly analytical as he sat by their window (after removing a bunch of underwear they had left hanging from the curtain pails), Jinyoung thought of how Mark and him have grown to a point of indifference in their friendship. Scratch that, he concluded, Mark had always been rather indifferent. He never initiated any best friend-ly activity, never agreed with Jinyoung only for the sake of friendship, and never asked after him when he had a storming out/passing out/freaking out episode. Polite, careless replies are all he got out of Mark, virtually and literally.

Before he could continue his tirade against his best friend, Jinyoung quickly reminded himself of Mark's instagram page, which had so many pictures of Jinyoung that an outsider might even take him for @marktuan49. And he though of the one time Mark had held his hair while he got the stomach flu (even though he left right after and sent Yugyeom instead, he had compensated heavily by buying him all the energy drinks in the world).

Not feeling guilty but conscientious enough to stop mentally trashing his best friend, he glanced at Yugyeom, large form sprawled across the bed he shared with BamBam (though the latter now spent most of his nights with a hottie called Nichkhun in his condo).

Jinyoung shuffled over to the younger and lightly patted him over the leather jacket he had been wearing since last night.

"Kyummie, you have class," he said softly. The younger whined and buried his face deeper in the pillows.

Jinyoung broke into a Cheshire cat grin before cooing, "you're already ten minutes late." Pause. "And it's your extra class with Tzuyu".

The name of Yugyeom's latest fancy had him springing up.

"Fuck, Nyoungie, why didn't you wake me earlier for fuck's sake, ugh," Yugyeom grunted as he jumped off the bed and patted down his wild hair, eyes still crinkled from sleep.

Tucking his nose into his shoulder, he added, "Do I need a change or will some more deodorant do the trick?"

Jinyoung scrunched his nose and contemplated. "A more than healthy dose of deodorant, I reckon."

Yugyeom followed suit, while Jinyoung dug out his book bag and stuffed it full of the random sociology books he found around.

Yugyeom grabbed a protein bar, drank some mouthwash as Jinyoung cringed, ruffled the older's hair with a high pitched chortle before peering into the full length mirror.

"On a scale of one to ten," he began.

"Six" answered Jinyoung.

"Could be worse,"Yugyeom shrugged. "We're still on for lunch though. Don't ditch."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and mouthed 'clingy' dramatically. Yugyeom laughed as he opened the door. "Laters, bruh."

When the door shut behind him, Jinyoung felt less alone than he felt in a long time, and felt content enough to just fold Yugyeom's (hopefully) clean clothes without thinking of the myriad of issues that plagued him most of his wakeful hours.

***

His phone screen lit up just as he was about to leave Yugyeom's dorm.

 

**From: BamBootayyyy**

_hey dont leave just yet i dont have mah keys w me pls pls pls_

 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and was about to slide the phone into his pocket and leave when the screen lit up again.

 

**From:BamBootayyyy**

_pls man just gonna take ten_

_dont do this to me_

Sighing, he tossed his phone back on the bed. These kids had softened him, he thought settling down next to his phone before deciding to scroll through instagram mindlessly.

He had been heartless and awful and selfish before, he had liked to think so at least. It made him free and wild (no, thanks, Yugyeom, Jinyoung is not a paranoid control freak).

But he felt affectionate, almost maternal towards Yugyeom and BamBam, and despite being a year above them and in absolutely different departments, he felt like they were the kind of friends he was always supposed to have had.

And yet...

His thoughts stopped short as he scrolled back up to one of last nights many uploads.

* * *

 

 

**@marktuan49 posted:**

 

 

**im a shitty photographer especially on drunk fridays but here is@imdefsouljb**

* * *

 

And there, in his best friend's instagram he found the guy he had been actively avoided thinking about (in a weird ~~but cute~~ moment) sitting in what seemed like his best friend's apartment. The same best friend being the only person whom he had expected solidarity from when it came to avoiding said guy.

 

A pang cursed through Jinyoung, an odd mixture of the usual tingling Jaebum caused in him and one of pure betrayal (though he would only admit the latter).

He clicked on Mark's page, staring at that same photo for another two minutes before tracking down Mark's last upload with Jinyoung on it. 4 weeks ago, it said.

A sinking feeling started to set in when BamBam knocked on the door, Jinyoung tossing his phone aside and forcing a smile on his face as he opened the door.

"Woah, jeez I didn't know you had that many teeth," BamBam laughed, recoiling dramatically before entering. Jinyoung padded over to the bed, mumbling a rather resigned what's up, toeing away his phone before sitting down.

He tried hard to concentrate on BamBam gushing about what a gentleman Nichkhun is, but found himself zoning out, melancholy setting in as he hummed in regular intervals.

 

"... and I know something's up when you hum after I say I'm pregnant with Kanye's baby."

BamBam lands next to Jinyoung on the bed, looking all too cheery and well dressed for a Saturday morning.

"Tell me, Nyoungie," he said, less playful, more persistent.

Jinyoung looks down at his hands.

You see, he's never been one to hesitate to voice his opinions.

But his friends seemed so... taken with this Jaebum. More than they had ever been with him.

He had told Mark of his qualms about Jaebum (leaving out the annoying attraction bit of it), but Mark's blatant disregard had shocked him and he was more than a bit hesitant now to say the same to any of his friends.

But BamBam was persistent, and he was one of those who could listen just as well as they could blabber on. So within a span of fifteen minutes, with quite a bit of coaxing from BamBam, his issue poured out into listening ears.

"And I know it's stupid and immature, what I'm saying, but I just can't help feeling like-"

"He's kinda replacing you?"

Jinyoung stared at his hands again, face flushed with embarrassment. He rarely ever said what he really felt, without it matching up to his image, and things like this left him feeling sore and uncomfortable after being thrown out into the open.

"Yeah, and I know it's just so dumb but-"

"What he said to you was a total dick move though," BamBam was frowning, eyes not quite jovial as usual. "Like, sure, play the tough guy to get into Nyoungie's pants, but that was just a really dumb thing to say in a conversation."

Jinyoung couldn't really absorb the reaction before BamBam continued. "And yeah, he is totally a friend hog. Tried to hog Gyeommie all the time before I asked for him to be introduced to the gang."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. "Wait, that's why you introduced him to-"

BamBam didn't let him finish. "Yeah, he like totally ignored me and tried to steal my roommate so I told Gyeommie to show him around to some new friends. And since he didn't like me, I assumed he'd get along with the artsy lot like Mark and Jackson and you-"

And while Jinyoung's jaw dropped at BamBam's response, it being beyond his expectations. A little petty hope stirred in him, as BamBam switched to how Mark, too, had pulled a "dick move" by not supporting Jinyoung.

***

He was aware how it was all so childish and how he was undoubtedly getting insecure over nothing. But BamBam's reaction had given him some confidence, and so that afternoon, in the quaint little cafe he usually got lunch with Mark, he related the same admittedly stupid insecurity to Yugyeom.

Jinyoung wouldn't lie, he was a tad apprehensive about Yugyeom's response, considering he was the one who first got Jaebum into their circle.

"And just to top it off," he concluded. "I know this is dumb and stupid, to feel betrayed by Mark. And no, I'm not trying to turn anyone against anyone but..."

He trailed off, before Yugyeom started speaking for the first time since Jinyoung started talking.

"Dude. I get where you're coming from."

Jinyoung looked up. Yugyeom continued while poking at his overpriced pasta.

"Bammie felt the same about Jaebum. And I'm not going to lie, I still do think he's cool."

He took a giant bite and Jinyoung had to bite his tongue not to tell him off about it.

"But still," he said ungracefully between bites, eyes now completely on his food. "It must feel like crap to have kept this shit to yourself."

Yugyeom waved his fork around. "All those unresolved feelings about a strange man are bound to lead to resentment."

Jinyoung frowned. "Don't psychoanalyze me."

Yugyeom snorted on his pasta and Jinyoung fake gagged.

"All you need right now is a pick-me-up. We'll get along to those feelings later."

By the time Jinyoung finished rolling his eyes Yugyeom finished his pasta.

"And next time you have guy problems, Nyoungie, don't go to the most emotionally constipated friend you have, for chrissake."

Feeling stupid (for the umpteenth time that day) for being exponentially less mature than a younger kid, Jinyoung could only nod.

***

Kids these days, Jinyoung thought as he checked his Instagram that night before showering. All their gestures involve social media.

He was the latest guest on both Yugyeom and BamBam's instagram pages. And although he refused to admit it, he was smiling bythe time he saw the two posts.

* * *

 

 

**bambambi__ posted:**

 

 

**xoxo good boiz @nyoungiebby**

* * *

 

 

**yu_gyeom_kyum posted:**

 

 

**You pose weird so I had to too @nyoungiebby #throwback #myhairisbetternow #likeforlike**

* * *

 

***

 

**To: BamBootayyyy  , Yugyeomii**

_Don't expect me to like your posts they're embarrassing._

 

**From: BamBootayyyy  :**

_oh you know you love me_

**From: Yugyeomii**

_Cranky old man_

* * *

 

**jackson_wang827 posted:**

 

* * *

 

....

 

Jinyoung smiled to himself before admiring Jackson's latest selfie and hitting like on that. He finally decided to get on with the rejuvenating shower he had been procrastinating, along with the essay abstract due the next day.

 

And even though he promised not to touch his phone after, he found himself checking his notifications while drying his hair with a towel.

Right at the top, it read,

 

**@imdefsouljb started following you**

 

As he clicked on the account and found himself faced with dozens of pictures of clichéd but breathtaking sunsets and sunrises with a watermark in the corners, he realised those feelings Yugyeom talked about were probably behind all of the recent upheaval in Jinyoung's "prosaic" life.

They needed urgent resolution, he decided, as he hit the follow back button next to a devastatingly handsome picture of Im Jaebum.

***


	4. Four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things seem a little less bleak for once.

 

 

 Jinyoung hated himself for meticulously checking each of Jaebum's updates. He had been so agitated with Mark for consorting (hanging out, really) with the enemy (more like random guy he had a grudge against/thing for). 

Yet he couldn't stop himself from being a perfectly sly hypocrite, and in the shelter of his apartment, he checked each one of Im Jaebum's frequent instagram updates.

He had even added the guy back on snapchat, but Jaebum was pretty dead on Jinyoung's most favourite social medium. He hadn't uploaded a single story in the six days that he had been part of Jinyoung's contacts, his inactivity making Jinyoung suspicious about why Jaebum had gone all the way to add him.

Speaking of, it had been eight days since Jinyoung had spoken to his best friend.  
His pride made it impossible for him to even text Mark, and Mark was all too good at responding to static silence with more of the same.  
The quiet had its perks though, thought Jinyoung. Over the past three days he had almost come to terms with how grossly he had overreacted and how his behaviour was normal only for sulking teens. Mark had always been the reticent one, and it made him all the more perfect to be the assertive Jinyoung's best friend. Besides, they were Mark and Jinyoung for god's sake, and Mark and Jinyoung were practically born best friends.  
What had catalysed this sudden onset of maturity in Jinyoung, was of course, a kid.  
Jinyoung huffed as he decided to organize his desk while introspecting

Yugyeom and his psychoanalytical games. He had been sipping a ridiculously overpriced latte at the cafe one morning when he casually asked Jinyoung, "Why'd you think you reacted that way to Mark and Jaebum, though."  
When Jinyoung tried to pull a Mark move and shrug obliviously, Yugyeom continued. "You knew you overreacted, Nyoungie. Was it because you felt jealous of Jaebum for hanging with your best friend or perhaps..."  
He didn't have to spell out the rest, it was implicit in the crinkles at the corners of his eyes.

And Jinyoung didn't feel conscious enough around Yugyeom to act otherwise when it dawned on him. He hadn't really felt as betrayed by Mark as... jealous of him?  
It all made sense, owing to Yugyeom's choicy explanation of "unresolved feelings" that Jinyoung harboured towards Jaebum. To be agitated by his best friend getting all comfortable with him was why he had overreacted then.  
But his acceptance wasn't enough to get him to initiate conversation with Mark. He wouldn't lie, he'd been secretly hoping that Mark would be the one to text him first. And he did spend a lot of time staring at Mark's bored looking bitmoji in the bachelor pad on the new Snapchat Map feature.

Jinyoung missed the bachelor pad even more ridiculously. He had never gotten used to his own dorm room, Mark's guest room was practically his. And he was definitely not enjoying sharing the showers with eleven other guys on the same floor.

*****

 

  
Deciding to have a Sunday in, and politely refusing BamBam's offer to dance the night away, Jinyoung found himself avoiding the thesis he stayed back to write. He stared at Jackson's contact name for a long minute, wondering why the latter hadn't called or even texted since last Friday. 

But even without the current state of turmoil, Jinyoung wouldn't have bothered much about it. That was the thing with him and Jackson, their interactions were sporadic and largely dependent on their respective workloads and moods. 

They could go from meeting up four times a week to going on a dry spell for a fortnight at a time. And Jinyoung wouldn't complain about it. And though it would be tiring, he'd have to hit the clubs, head hunting for a good lay sometime in the middle of the week to stay sane.  
But it would save him so much effort if he just called Jacks-  
A text from an unknown number popped up, distracting him.

 

**From: XXX-3429-XXXX**

**hey umm mark is ill.**  
**he's puking and i don't know what to do**  
**help?**

 

Another one popped in before Jinyoung finished reading.

**this is jaebum btw. we're at mark's so**

  
Jinyoung didn't even bother to pat his mussed hair before he grabbed his keys and wallet, then his dorm room door shut behind him in no time at all. He shot off a quick text before breaking into a jog to get to the campus bus stop.

 

**To: XXX-3429-XXXX**

**be there in five. hold his hair.**

 

***

Jaebum opening the door to Mark's apartment didn't feel as shocking to Jinyoung as he would have thought.

Jaebum was unremarkably dressed down in ratty dark jeans and a black sweatshirt. His hair was a rough mess (probably long unwashed), eyebrow piercing off and horn-rimmed glasses perched on his neck. The red dye had faded even more, it's rich brown somewhat mousy. It irked Jinyoung that the Sunday afternoon de-glam version of Jaebum had no less effect on him.

"Hey," Jaebum said, small smile on his lips as he stepped aside. Jinyoung strode in, replying only with, "I didn't know you had glasses."  
Jaebum grinned goofily. "I didn't know you did either." Jinyoung touched the bridge of his nose, having completely forgotten that he had on his large framed glasses, which he usually traded for lenses.

Urgency clawed at Jinyoung, and he was just about to enquire about Mark when he noticed a tripod perched next to the window, facing the easel where Mark completed and often displayed his paintings.  
What looked like a hand-held floodlight was oddly occupying half of the couch facing the television.

"What even..."

"Oh his portfolio of course," Jaebum said as if it made all the sense in the world.  
Jinyoung narrowed his eyes, and Jaebum's mouth formed an 'o' in surprise.  
"Mark didn't tell you? I've been helping him get good shots of his work for his artist's portfolio."  
Jinyoung didn't say a word, didn't meet Jaebum's gaze again, but the latter continued regardless.

"Mark was nice enough to let me and Youngjae stay over the night of the sorority party. It was too late and... Well, I owe him one for helping me take care of a heartbroken and drunk Youngjae."

Jinyoung's heart sunk with every word, and he was hoping that somehow Mark had done something like sleeping with Jaebum along the way, because that would be the only scenario where Jinyoung's terrible, terrible behaviour was even mildly acceptable.

But Jaebum went on. "So we've been working on his portfolio picture photos since so I can finally-"

"I asked you to hold his hair, literally and figuratively" Jinyoung interjected.

Jaebum frowned before that light goofy smile he always seemed to wear around Jinyoung was back in full force. 

"Yeah well, he locked the door," Jaebum said, walking alongside Jinyoung to the master bathroom. "All he did when I banged the door was ask me to call you."

He made a light gesture with his fingers, eyes never leaving Jinyoung's. "Your number is on the refrigerator."

Jinyoung had torn away his gaze by then, turning to the door.  
He could vaguely make out sounds of retching when he tapped the door quietly.  
"Markie?" he said softly. In a few seconds, lock clicked and the door was held ajar for Jinyoung to enter.  
Jaebum could almost hear Jinyoung smile gently as he muttered soothing words to Mark and held his hair while the latter retched into the toilet bowl. He strode over to his equipment in the living room, hand stuffed into his pockets, a meaninglessly content smile on his face. 

Jaebum knew they needed a few moments alone, Mark to puke without the worries of an almost-stranger hearing him, and Jinyoung, to mother Mark with gentle hands much like the secret sweetiepie Jaebum knew him to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> redundant ass boring chapter but I'm rlly liking this xD.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are just bound to be cataclysmic, Jinyoung realises. No matter how much you try to smooth them over.

Jackson came to visit Mark that day, and it was Jinyoung who let him in. He smiled that breathtaking smile before pulling Jinyoung into a (rather bone-crushing) hug. Jinyoung hugged him back, whining at the plight he faced in those ridiculously muscled arms.

“Been so long, man”, Jackson said in a high-pitched voice. Jinyoung frowned a little. “Quite,” he says softly, mildly taken aback by the tone.

And as Jackson stood at the doorway fiddling nervously, something foreign settled into the silence, something Jinyoung was not used to feeling in Jackson’s company. As Jackson’s smile, feeling overused and looking worn, faded away, the warmth Jinyoung always associated with Jackson seemed to be tainted with a rather cold edge. A glint in Jackson’s eye, one unintelligible to Jinyoung, cemented that something unforeseen had transpired in the duration that they had not spoken, something that hadn’t appeared in Jinyoung’s Instagram feed.

“How’s my man?” asked Jackson. Blinking slowly, Jinyoung felt a sneaking suspicion dawn on him. He hadn’t informed Jackson about Mark being ill.

“Sleeping. He’s worn out.” He answered, walking Jackson to the room where Mark lay sleeping like a corpse. He watched Jackson pad in with quiet feet, laying a tender hand on Mark’s forehead, murmuring softly. And when Jinyoung left the room to drop some clothes into the laundry basket, he could discern Jackson dropping a kiss onto Mark’s forehead, before he clicked the door shut.

And without any indication whatsoever, Jinyoung knew how to give them privacy. He knew that he did it more for his sake than theirs, as he picked up some of his leftover clothes from Mark’s guestroom.

He sat on the couch, feeling more out of place than Mark’s odd basketball hoop in the middle of the living room. He thought of that time Jackson and Mark had spent hours assembling it in the the middle of Mark’s altruistic apartment, where Mark only kept it because it wasn’t allowed in Jackson’s dorm. He thought of how the two of them had laid in the sweat-soaked clothes afterwards, laughing when a screw came loose and fell on Jackson. He remembered feeling terribly left out, before Jackson had whined for Jinyoung to pick him up. He’d felt wanted again, important again, in an instant.

Jackson left Mark’s room in a few minutes, seating himself in a beanbag facing Jinyoung. His easygoing smile was nowhere to be seen, as he laced his fingers and leant forward. Jinyoung held his gaze impassively, wordlessly.

Jackson began, “Mark called me when he fell ill.” Jinyoung pursed his lips, inhaling audibly. Jackson tentatively continued, “I was in class.” He looked down, not meeting Jinyoung’s eyes. “Jaebum was over so I asked him to-“  

“Okay.” Jinyoung said. Jackson looked up again, something akin to fear in his over-impressive eyes.

“Jinyoung, I-”

But Jinyoung sprang up from the couch grabbing his satchel and phone. He was beginning to get an idea of the nature of the situation. Jackson swallowed the rest of his words. He opened his mouth again and said, uncharacteristically soft, “I asked Jaebum to call you because Mark needed someone here right then. And Mark wouldn’t be very comfortable calling you since…” Jackson trailed off, eyes everywhere but on Jinyoung’s.

The realisation dawned upon Jinyoung, had been in the process of it while Jackson kept talking. He frowned, when Jackson looked back at him again, and almost testily said, “Apparently Mark has liked me for quite some time.”

Jinyoung’s mind was too preoccupied to guage how Jackson almost looked hopeful of getting a reaction out of him, eyes unwavering. Something akin to a sense of betrayal seemed to be shrouding him, and he mumbled absent-mindedly. “He never even told me.”

“I mean, yeah, he only told me a week back,” Jackson said, still looking expectantly at Jinyoung. “And he didn’t, doesn’t know about,” he gestured between them “what we had going.”

Jinyoung looked at him quizzically before popping his mouth in an ‘oh’, too overcome to be as articulate as he normally came off as.

Jackson felt a marginally guilty for the devious joy he felt at the confused look on Jinyoung’s face. Maybe, he thought, their relationship had been more than what Jinyoung let on, for the latter too. And as sporadically as his hopes had risen, they came tumbling down, unceremiously.

“And he didn’t even tell his best friend.” Jinyoung uttered, eyes on that basketball hoop. “If I even assume you guys thought I was one of you-“

“Really,” Jackson said, tone too soft in defeat to be incredulous. “That’s what you’re so affected by.” He lets out a laugh, even his own sardonic defence mechanism not able to numb the sudden hurt he felt.

Discomposure dissipated from Jinyoung’s mien, and his face was schooled into the carefully acquired impassivity it wore usually. “Yes, I’m affected, Jackson. Is it so unfathomable-“

“Not the point, Jinyoung. You have more of a problem with your so-called best friend leaving you out of the loop, than with the guy you’ve been fucking on and off starting something with another man.” Jackson smirks bitterly. “Funny, all you care about is some guy not making you his best friend because he doesn’t have the emotional requirements of a middle-schooler.”

The smirk disappears off his face as soon as he realizes what he said out loud. Dread replaces everything else whirring about the forefront of his mind, as he watches a chasmic coldness take over Jinyoung’s expression, even before the last words leave his tongue. The air hung heavier than ever, burdened by those words blurted out in a moment of desperation.

“Jinyoung I am so-“ Jinyoung cut off Jackson’s empassioned voice

“I kinda need to go now,”he said. Jackson’s gaze turned pained, “Please, Mark and I wanted to-”

Jinyoung’s face softened as he shut his eyes, shaking his head, refusing to look at Jackson anymore, refusing to look at the truth in his eyes. “I’m sorry if I ever hurt you Jackson,” he said, turning to the door, not noticing the mildly outstretched hand of his friend. “And I must have hurt you a lot for you to think this way of me.”

“No, Jinyoung, I…” Jackson managed to choke out. Jinyoung remained rooted to his spot, but Jackson couldn’t bring himself to say the words. After what seemed like an eternity of the charged silence of an irrevertibly wounded set of feelings on both sides, Jinyoung started walking.

“My friends,” he said without any venom, “are waiting for me.” And as he left Jackson with all those unsaid words, rendering the air heavy and bitter, he mumbled a quiet “Keep well”, with an implicit sense of finality. And as much as Jackson’s gut clenched, he knew where his and Jinyoung’s pain differed. Jinyoung’s was the pathos of a wounded friend, while his was the pain of unrequited love, the kind they rolled their eyes at in Classical Literature.

It was out of love for his best friend Mark, nothing similar to what he felt for Jinyoung, that he entered the former’s room. Wrapping his arms around Mark’s feeble, worn form, he resolutely vowed not to cause the pain Jinyoung had caused him. Jackson Wang did not go back on his promises, he told himself as he shrouded Mark in his embrace, willing it to metamorphose that friendly affection into something else entirely, something that resonated what Mark felt for him, if only to spare Mark the same pain he felt.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update.  
> and the extra angst (but I'm a sucker for that okay xD)  
> next update soon.  
> hope you like this.  
> xoxo


	6. Six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugyeom knows something is definitely brewing

It doesn't take much of Jinyoung saying anything for Yugyeom and Bambam to figure out what had transpired earlier that day.

But, still, being the perceptive psychology major that he was (and liked to flaunt quite often), Yugyeom coaxed Jinyoung to explain the entire matter bit by bit, knowing that it was crucial for his friend to vent it all out, especially since he was prone to emotional constipation.

And at the end of two hours, when Bambam ordered pizza after the long discussion the three of them had, Jinyoung sat staring listlessly at his dark phone screen next to Yugyeom on the bed.

Bambam plonked himself down on the legs of the other two, stretching out on his stomach across both their outstretched legs, despite Yugyeom's whines. He casually scribbled in his design book, before glancing up at Jinyoung.

"What are you overthinking now, Jinyoungie?"

Jinyoung looked up at Bambam, a question in his eyes. "That means Jaebum lied to me."

Bambam frowns. "Now what does that jackass have to do with anything."

Yugyeom nodded, eyes never leaving his laptop screen. "Yes, he did lie to you."

Jinyoung looked at Yugyeom instead, slight pout apparent, "But why would he..."

Yugyeom sighed. "Dude, he probably just-"

Bambam scrambled up hastily, "Hold the fuck up guys."

They both turned to him, Yugyeom groaning about his legs and peace of mind.

Bambam continued, unaffected, "I'm fucking clueless," he looks at Jinyoung. "Explain."

Yugyeom slams his laptop shut with more force than necessary. 

"Dude, see," he rattles off. "It was Jaebum who asked Jinyoung to help with Mark. But he said that Mark was specifically asking for Jinyoung, when in reality-"

"Jackson told him to call Jinyoung," Bambam finished, nodding along.

Yugyeom snapped his fingers, "Precisely."

JInyoung folded his legs, leaning his head back. "Still wondering why though."

Bambam snorted. "Probably not to injure your delicate feelings."

Jinyoung kicked at him, and Yugyeom laughed, "He probably just wanted to get Jinyoung there without any hard feelings."

Having missed his kicks at Bambam almost thrice now, Jinyoung gives up, before lying flat, staring up at the ceiling.

"That was..." he began, and Yugyeom opened his laptop again, Bambam his design book, expecting the usual jab at Jaebum that Jinyoung always seemed equipped with.

"...oddly thoughtful," Jinyoung sighs.

Both heads snap up from their work and turn simultaneously to Jinyoung, before turning to each other.

"What's wrong with your emo ass?" Bambam asks, his voice incredulously high.

Jinyoung raises his head up. "Huh?"

Bambam's face contorted into a shit-eating grin, and Jinyoung groaned before smashing his head into the pillows, knowing full well what would follow.

"Do you likeyy Jaebummie now?" Bambam said in a higher voice.

Jinyoung groaned into the pillows, before scrambling up into sitting position.

"No, thanks, I prefer men who don't have existential crises over doughnuts."

Yugyeom chortled, while Bambam tilted his head in confusion.

Yugyeom raised his palm up to Bambam and began, "So when Jinyoung and I getting lunch the other day, I just remembered something."

He goes on to relate how during finals week he met Jaebum at the coffee shop looking like an "unmade bed" poring over too many notes, "with his hair sticking up in ungodly ways." Yugyeom decided to sit with him, and in his sleep deprived condition, he ate Jaebum's doughnut instead of his own chocobun. 

"Never tasted anything so bad though," Yugyeom sticks his tongue out. "But during finals week, I could eat wood and not feel a thing."

When Jaebum noticed his maple bacon pistachio doughnut missing, he had a significant existential crisis, especially when the new barista (Jaebum's friend Youngjae, who kept up with Jaebum's ridiculous tastes, just finished his shift and left) for the life of her could not understand his order.

"No, no, no, I said, maple syrup, with crispy bacon on top, dusted with castor sugar, dribbled with honey, and topped with roasted pistachios," Yugyeom mimics, teeth gritted and eyes bulging. 

"MAPLE BACON PISTACHIO!" he screams, banging his hand on the bed, before pulling at his own hair, causing Bambam to fall off the bed, Jinyoung to clutch his stomach while laughing. 

While all three laugh, Yugyeom continues, "Dude, I wish I had filmed it. Would have got me extra credit in sociology." He chokes while wheezing, causing Bambam to laugh even harder. 

In the post-recovery period, Bambam got back on the bed, and Yugyeom sighed. "That video would have made my youtube channel famous."

Jinyoung giggles, and Bambam nods, solemnly. "And Jinyoung could wank to it later."

Jinyoung retaliates by flinging Yugyeom's Totoro plushie at Bambam's face, and pretending to gag.

"Don't fake it, Jinyoung," Yugyeom laughs. "You totally would, with all your weird kinks."

"Ooh, a maple bacon kink," Bambam wiggles his brows and Jinyoung presses the bridge of his nose, trying to hold back a smile.

"Ooh, yes Jaebum oppa!" Bambam fake moans before screeching off into laughter.

Jinyoung shakes his head. "Guys, stop being juvenile."

Yugyeom snorts. "At least we don't have the emotional requirements of a middle schooler."

Jinyoung gasps, feigning offence. "How could you say that to me?"

They are interrupted by a knock on the door, and Bambam flies across, chanting pizza.

Yugyeom turns back to his laptop, trying not to feel victorious when he sees Jinyoung smile down ever so slightly at his phone, looking at what seems to be a text from Jaebum.

 

**From: Im Jaebum**

_hey._

_how's mark_

 

**To: Im Jaebum**

_better probably_

_I left a few hours ago_

 

**From: Im Jaebum**

_ahh_

_so what are you up to_

 

Jinyoung frowned slightly, but replied swiftly.

 

**To: Im Jaebum**

_nothing just getting forced to pay for pizza i probably won't eat_

 

**From: Im Jaebum**

_lol xD_

 

Not knowing what to make of the sporadic exchange (or think of a reply to "lol xD", a designated conversation stopper), Jinyoung just put his phone away, blaming all the foreign feelings in his stomach on hunger. He took a bite of the pizza, cringing at the topping, but still smiling at his friends for some strange reason he refused to put a finger on.

  


End file.
